somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
