Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
