God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
