You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
