This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
