Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
