you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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