I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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