It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
