I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
