You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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