Slut skills are useful in every country.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
