I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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