Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
