I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Randomize
