Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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