Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
