hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
