FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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