if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
