apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
