Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
