We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
