We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
