Having a random hookup so left but love u
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
