hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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