I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
