my vag is so smooth its legendary
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
