he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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