My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
