this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
