I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
