I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
