these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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