i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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