I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize