Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
