When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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