oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
