My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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