as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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