Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
