Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
