new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
