Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it was like eating out sand paper
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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