do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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