Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
