If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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