Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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