I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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