well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize