What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The uberlube is also flammable
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