considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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