Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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