my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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