did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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