he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
