How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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