it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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