Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
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An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
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I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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