he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I did not marry a roomba.
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