My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
