some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
