One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
