You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
