The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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