The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
