hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize