i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
