So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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