I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize