Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
