Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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