And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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