we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
