glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
