just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
