i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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