That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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