What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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