I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
