I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
