Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
