why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I love you. Go after that dick
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
