if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
