This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Randomize
